I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
