this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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