I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
