I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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