Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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