dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is this like a preordered booty call?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
