If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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