We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
