Did you just see the Batmobile???
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
