I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
