This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
