she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
