Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
