he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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