I wish I only lived at night.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
