I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
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I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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