I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
