Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
