You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
