A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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