Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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