He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
