I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
