What did we do last night that was yellow?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
In America we eat man semen.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
