omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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