The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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