Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
