Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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