so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
