My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
