oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
