there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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