I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
