i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
