I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
