if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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