There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
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Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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