We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
