he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
