I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
wow bdsm is so cute
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