take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
if only i could text you this smell
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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