I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
