Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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