My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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