don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
