he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
