tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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