Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
In other news, I just burned my penis
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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