i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Even my vagina gasped.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
