8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
