There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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