Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
