You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
