the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
