Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
