I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
