So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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