how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
