just survived the first fart of the relationship.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
