it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
