i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
