I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
