On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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