allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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