you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
