I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
