She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
