And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
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Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
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I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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