why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My ass is underappreciated
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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